When the kids were little we would take road trips to both the mountains and the beach. We would get in the car and eat breakfast, watch a movie, pull out our playdoh, color in coloring books, eat a snack, have screen time...then do it all again, but reverse...then there is a point in the trip when everyone loses it. Seriously! They start crying, asking, “When we are going to be there?” and saying, “I need to go potty. My stomach hurts (which is always a precursor to puke). She hit me! No, he hit me! Stop hitting the back of my chairs!” ...all of it!!
I have found that one of us, either my husband or myself, reaches the breaking point and we are like, “Just pull over; turn on a new movie. Give them what they want. Where are the skittles and M&M’s, and Sprite that we were saving as a reward?” And we just throw it to them in the back seat not knowing where it lands. “Figure it out kids...we are on a mission to get where we need to be ...ON VACATION!!!”
Middle school is a lot like that chaotic moment in the road trip when all things go astray, chaos breaks out, and everyone is looking at each other like, “Why did we not use our points and just get on a plane?” Oh yeah because we want to make memories.
Let’s equate road trips with little people to life with junior high/middle schoolers and high schoolers. More specifically, female junior high/middle schoolers and high schoolers who at some point on the road trip are taken over by hormones...yes, we might even call it their evil twin.
There is something magical about the early years, learning how to walk and talk, learning how to use the potty and preschool days and then learning the ins and outs of elementary school life... and then it hits, junior high drama and high school antics. It's a whole new ball game in parenting. There are days that I don’t want in the game. I am fine sitting on the bench - but that is not what God calls us to do.
Now, let’s sprinkle, pepper or just douse some hormones on the female children. They went from sweet, kind, little girls to intermittently being taken over by their evil twin with raging hormones. That evil twin is trying to grow, stretch, learn, and question everything they know. They used to sit and talk, or at least share air space with us, but now they only really talk when they want something or need something. They are not nice anymore; they give you weird looks; they sign and grunt more; sarcasm flows like blood from a head wound. They think we have lost our minds.
As our daughters enter into this weird part of life, we, as moms, have to learn how to handle this well. Honestly, I am in the middle of it and I struggle daily with how to love my JH daughter well when she is owned by her hormones. Prayerfully and hopefully, I will get better by the next daughter. Sorry first daughter;)
Either way, one thing I have learned is that we have to stay engaged with her, we have to continue to walk this path with her, we have to remind her we are on the same team. Even though she wants to do it solo and she should at times. Just like when she was little, we let her fall and were there to help her get up. Sure, who wants to sit and talk with someone that could bite your head off with any engaging word, but we must!
Not parenting is not an option. We are the parents we cannot quit.
Here is the question: What are you going to do to get through this time?
Answer: I am going to speak truths over her, continue to love her, remind her that I will walk with her, or even yet I will be here when it is all over.
What truths are you going to speak? Conditional Truth or unconditional truth? Worldly truth or God’s truths?
Worldly truths are things they want to hear: your hair looks amazing, nice outfit, you are a great athlete, you are so smart, you are a great musician, your TikTok went viral, you are Instafamous. These are conditional truths that could change at any given moment.
What about the unconditional truths? Unconditional truths are rooted in who God says they are, how He has made them, and what He has in store for them.
God calls us to fasten or secure our clothing with the belt of truth. God’s truth is what we need to continue to breathe into and speak over our daughters. (Ephesians 6:14)
As we equip our daughters we must also cling to God's word:
“Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” Psalm 86:11
As a mom I need to rely fully on God during her hormonal season and I do not want a divided heart. I don’t want a heart divided by what the world's standards are for who my daughter and who God says she is. I want a unified heart, solely relying on God’s unconditional truth.
I want a heart that is fully devoted to raising a daughter that is going to know:
She is God’s handiwork (Eph 2:10)
She is fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14)
She was known by her heavenly Father before she was born (Jer 1:5)
She was set apart (Jer 1:5)
She is a new creation (2 Cor 5:17)
She is more than a conqueror (Rom 8:37),
She is not a citizen here on earth but is in heaven(Phil 3:20, 2 Tim 1:7)
She was chosen for a time like this. (John 15:16)
These are Unconditional Truths!
And we are thankful for that because as moms we can stand confidently knowing that when hardships, suffering, and impending doom come their way, they are standing on an unwavering truth, God’s truth found in the inerrant, infallible Word of God, even when we are called, the meanest mom on earth, or the mom from hell (moms, I have your back on this one).
First and foremost, God's truth will set them free. So, as a mom we want them to function and flourish in knowing that God has a plan for them. Listen to Brittany Green, Frisco First’s finest Minister to Girls at Blue, as she gives us tips, tools, and teachable moments in how to raise stronger girls in this world.
She opens our eyes to what works and what does not work… She pulls back the curtain on how moms cannot love well if they are not in God’s word.
We are thankful for this real, honest, and candid conversation about how to help our girls in this season of life. #middleschool