What Am I Most Afraid Of In This Season?

In the Women’s LifeGroup a few weeks ago, Christy Williams posed the question: if you only had 30 seconds to a minute to share the gospel, what would you say? 

Although I’ve been trained with the acronym F.A.I.T.H, the Romans Road, the Gospel Bracelets of many colors, the Three Circles, the cross used as the Bridge Illustration, and recently attended a seminar with Bible Study Fellowship about sharing the gospel, I found myself intrigued anew by the question. I listened to a sermon that delineates both positive and negative aspects of four presentations of the gospel we might easily come across in America: the Evangelical Gospel, the Reformed Gospel, the Prosperity Gospel, and the Social Gospel.  I read articles to understand Universalism and how a Universalist might present the gospel.  I was motivated to read with fresh eyes the words of Jesus and His disciples, and I was fascinated by the kingdom language. I watched a Bible Project video about how the Greek word for gospel, euangelion, draws from the Hebrew verb bisser and the noun besorah, which brings the connotation of a royal announcement.

I marveled again that the gospel is not just the bare minimum requirements of getting into heaven; the gospel is the good news of King Jesus that transforms us in this life and the one to come.

Understanding the gospel in light of kingdoms requires us to distinguish between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of the world ruled by Satan.  Those who have not put their faith in Jesus are under the lordship of someone who doesn’t love them; the enemy seeks to destroy everything that God loves. Satan wants people to think God is withholding good from them, when in truth, what seems right and might “feel good” is leading to death and destruction.  The father of lies tries to deceive us into believing self-rule and self-love will lead to a beautiful life.

In reality, the kingdom of darkness is present torture and leads to perishing.  Each of us, born with a sinful nature, follows Satan as ruler, lives according to the world, gratifies the cravings of the flesh, and is spiritually dead (Ephesians 2:1-3).  The bad news is we are unable to save ourselves; we are slaves of this kingdom, alienated from God, and unable to do anything to merit God’s favor.

The good news is that God is rich in mercy, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love. The gospel announces that sovereign God has a plan for sinful man to be reconciled back into a relationship with Him and live forever in His Kingdom with Him as our loving Lord.  In the Gospel of Mark, the words of Jesus are captured as he begins His ministry: “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel” (Mark 1:15 ESV). 

Jesus calls people to trust that He is the promised Messiah, the liberator, the savior, the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords.  The good news is that Jesus, the only God-Man who has all authority in heaven and on earth, in His incarnation, sinless life, death, resurrection, and ascension to the right hand of the Father, inaugurated the Kingdom of God on earth and promises to return and usher in the Lord’s eternal reign in the New Heaven and New Earth. The beauty of the gospel is that salvation, the transfer from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light, is a free gift for all who will believe. 

We do not earn God’s favor; we rest in Christ’s atoning sacrifice on the cross and His resurrection that defeated death. We believe that forgiveness of sins, the promise of eternal life, and transformation into the image of Christ are by God’s grace through the power of the Holy Spirit. The invitation of the gospel is to turn away from self-rule and submit to the lordship of the one who created me, loves me, pursues me, justifies me, transforms me, and glorifies me (Romans 8:30). The call to believe is not an acknowledgement of Christ but a transfer of trust, a total surrender, that changes everything as I live as an apprentice of Jesus, allowing him to teach me how to live in the Kingdom.

Matthew, Mark, and Luke all record Jesus’s words, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23 ESV). Paul explains in Romans 12:1 that God’s mercies should result in our willingness to be a “living sacrifice,” but I’ve always appreciated the observation from D.L. Moody, “The problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the altar.”  There is a one-time event in the life of a believer when we surrender to the Lordship of Christ; however, this event is followed by a lifelong process, one which will never be perfected this side of heaven, that transforms us, or put another way, restores the image of God in us that was corrupted by the fall. 

Although we are redeemed children of God, we keep crawling back to our previous kingdom in all its familiarity and sinfulness.  Only through the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit can we die to sin and live for righteousness (1 Peter 2:24). Paul encourages us in Romans 12:2 ESV “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I appreciate the New Living Translation version that says, “...let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”  Jesus’s invitation to “repent and believe” (Mark 1:15) is not only a one-time event but also a daily practice of letting God change our minds about who He is, who we are in Him, and what is “good and acceptable and perfect.”

A.W. Tozer, a famous theologian, is often quoted for saying, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” I love his choice of words, “what comes into our minds,” because it implies that all we have consumed and experienced will shape our thoughts about God.  I can have head knowledge and know Biblical truths that have not yet impacted the theology of my everyday reactions.  I can know and accept the gospel message while also believing the enemy's lies. 

This truth was made so clear at If Gathering 2024 when Jennie Allen asked us to consider the things that have us all tangled up.

Consider your answer to some of these reflective questions with me for a moment, as well as which question elicits the strongest emotion. 

What am I most afraid of in this current season?

What failure still haunts me? What hardships have made me doubt God’s goodness?

What moment in my past still hurts when it comes to mind?

What am I navigating that feels too hard?

What currently feels entirely out of my control? 

What is my last two percent I’m not willing to share with even my closest loved ones? 

I will never forget the experience as she asked us to bring the strongest emotion that makes us feel stuck before the Lord: I want you to picture Jesus sitting right across from you, and I want you to imagine His face. 

How is He looking at you, as you’ve told him all of this?

How does He feel about you?

What is His expression?

What is one word to describe how God views you?

Giving us a minute to think, she continued, “most of us live as if God is disappointed in us regularly.”

I was struck.  I wouldn’t have ever verbalized that Christ was disappointed in me. I can quote verses from John, Romans, and Galatians about God’s love for me. I know Lamentations 3:22 “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end,” Psalm 103:12 “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us,” and the author of Hebrews 10:17 reminding us of the promise in Jeremiah fulfilled through Christ’s sacrifice, “I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more” (ESV).  However, my Bible knowledge was no match for the visceral reaction that had me imagining God as disappointed.  I was also struck that I wasn’t alone in my view.  Thousands of people were in the audience, yet she felt confident in assuming that most would see God as disappointed.  The two ladies attending the conference with me confirmed that disappointment fit their perception of God’s view of them as well.  

Viewing God as disappointed is not irrational. His displeasure with sin because He is righteous, holy, and just is real. Judgment is promised, and God must punish sin in His loving wrath. The father of lies is smart to deceive with disappointment because we don’t want to spend time with someone we feel is disappointed in us. 

When we feel shame, we try to hide as Adam and Eve did from the beginning (Genesis 3:8).  The enemy loves for us to believe lies about God because he knows when we try to make God in our own image instead of having a correct view of who He has revealed Himself to be, we engage in idolatry instead of worship. 

The good news is that God is rich in mercy, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love. God is not surprised by my sin - past, present, or future. In love, he bought me at a price, the precious blood of Jesus.  God calls me beloved, his child, an heir with Christ.  Being a member of God’s family, a citizen of His Kingdom, means he has entrusted to me the message of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:19).

May I proclaim it to others, but never forget to preach the gospel to myself.

May His lovingkindness demonstrated in the gospel never stop stirring my affection for Him, the God who delights in me (Zep. 3:17), who forgives my iniquity, heals all my diseases, redeems my life from the pit, crowns me with steadfast love and mercy, and satisfies me with good (Psalm 103:2-5), who promises to dwell with me, wipe the tears from my eyes, remove my pain, and make all things new (Revelation 21:3-5).