My "I" Problem

Today, I want to talk to you about a time when God convicted me about my “I” problem.

Diety is such a fascinating word. It should denote the divine characteristics or nature of a Supreme Being (according to Dictionary.com). Unfortunately, that is no longer the case.

The other day, I read a quote online that said,” Our problem following Jesus is we’re trying to be a better version of us, rather than a more accurate reflection of Him.” It was one of many things this week that inspired me to write this post.

In the current culture, we are surrounded by deities. All of which are man-made. My theory is that when we were made in the image of the Creator, we started to see ourselves as mini-versions of Him. Not necessarily just in ways that glorify or recognize God as supreme, but in a twisted way that causes us to mimic and believe that our “power” is in some way similar, or just as great as His.

So, when we create a thing, we deem it “good,” just like God the Father did at the beginning of creation. I believe that a major difference between God deeming something good and us saying that it is good (besides us not being God) is that we make the thing or the person into a god. We deify it and we worship it.

God is able to make something and never elevate it above Himself. We are not capable of that. It’s a flaw in our function, most likely due to the original sin, when we became separated from God. Knowledge of good and evil comes with costs. Separation from God is first, but when a human has knowledge that was not originally designed for them, the gaining of that knowledge becomes warped or distorted.

For example, the Bible gives us many descriptions of the angels. Some of them are human-like when delivering messages, while others are described with multiple wings, different faces, and eyes (sometimes all over- see Ezekiel), shining brilliantly in awesome and terrible ways. God sees them as beautiful, but if they walked the earth in their true forms (as described in the Bible), we would see them as monsters simply based on appearances. That is what I mean when I suggest that we live in a world where there is a distortion of God’s knowledge and thus, a distortion of God’s truth.

Today, I want to talk to you about a time when God convicted me about my “I” problem. The last time I wrote for this blog, I spoke about how the temporary loss of my physical sight led to clarity in spiritual sight. As I learn to embrace God for who He is and see Him in truth, I needed to recognize that I have an “I” problem.

This may hit home for you. I think many of us share the same problem. We spend our lives focused on what we want and what we need to do.

I want a house, kids, a husband, a new job, and I want things to be better.

Or….

What am I going to do about this?

How can I fix this?

I am going to do…

I am in control of…

I… I… I…

It’s all about us and what we believe we have the power to do. Out of all the things we have deified, we are our biggest god.

Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong to want things or that God won’t give us good things. I’m also not saying that we are powerless. I want you to know that everything we do is for the glory of God, and that the things we declare, or say we will do, are not in our own strength but by God’s Holy Spirit.

I write this as I reflect on the last year. My family and I have faced extreme financial hardship, and most recently, health issues. I spent so much time trying to make moves that would help us get out of this mess. It wasn’t a mess I caused, yet I still thought it was my job to get us out of it.

I obsessed over bills and beat myself up over small things. Every penny that left my bank account was a traumatic trigger- a reminder of my failure to provide.

Did I really need that sliced cheese?

Is the medication really that important?

I really shouldn’t have bought that $7.00 shirt in 2019.

Why couldn’t I just do better?

These thoughts plagued my mind. I was haunted by the fact that I- the Jessica Rucker- could not get my life together. I mean, what was wrong with me? I’m intelligent, educated, and creative. I should be doing better!

Oh, but that mindset was not making God smile, Friend. God had to approach me like Job, asking all those questions as if I knew anything.

In the book of Job, God allows Satan to afflict Job. He loses everything and falls ill. Around chapter 38, God was DONE with Job’s woeful disposition, accusatory questions, and the lack of wise counsel from his friends. In Job 38:1-3, God answered Job out of a whirlwind, saying,” Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you and make it known to me.”

Then… God goes IN. He begins, “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.” Chapters 38-41, God challenges Job’s knowledge of what he sees and what he thinks he knows. And, Job is ultimately humbled and confesses that he was wrong and repents.

*Read those chapters for everything God says. It will bless you. 

We need to know our place in God’s kingdom. We are representatives of God and His kingdom on this earth. We submit to His authority. We serve and work to accomplish His will, not our own. We do nothing in our own power or by our own might. We are not deities, and it is important for us to make sure we have not put ourselves in God’s place. We must confront this distortion of thought.

One of the many things I love about God is that when He compassionately corrects, He also helps us to shift our mindset. When we see God as God, and not ourselves as God, we begin to seek God instead of self. Fixing the “I” problem refocuses our gaze on God, and we assume a posture of humility, submission, and reliance on Him.

I can do this myself… 

becomes

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I cannot do it alone.

I am in control 

becomes

God is in control.

I want (insert things here) for my life 

becomes

I will have what God decrees or I will have these things if they are in accordance with God’s will.

I can fix this 

becomes

God help me and intercede for me in this situation. 

“I” problems can be fixed, healed, and grown out of. It can be challenging to do, but it can be done. If we can see that we don’t belong to ourselves, we can relinquish our man-made deity for God’s true supremacy.

Let us pray:

Father God, we thank you for being the only God in our lives. The Bible tells us that you chastise/discipline those you love. We thank you for loving us so much that you correct us when we deify other people, our possessions, and ourselves. Show us the places in our lives where we have an “I” problem, and remove us from self-made pedestals. We belong to you and were made to serve and glorify you. We worship you alone. Help us to lean on you and not on our own strength, resources,