God's Glorious Love
I was adopted when I was One.
My adoption was not from a children's home or foster care. My biological dad gave up his rights to me as a newborn after my mom and I left in the middle of the night to get out of that bad situation. With the help of a sweet family from the church and my grandparents, my mom and I moved away.
Then years later my mom got remarried to her next husband, he became my legal dad. He wanted to sign on the line to adopt me.
Here is the kicker…
Signing on the line is an action but if a heart's not in it did they really want to?
Everything was fine with him till he had his own blood kids with my mom. I instantly was not as important or seen as his “blood” family. He had no intention of making me feel a part of the family, I would argue that he did a great job of reminding me that I was not “his” heir. I was not a part of “his” family. He was not physically or sexually abusive but definitely fell under the emotionally abuse. As I like to say, “he could jack with my heart and mind - REAL GOOD.” I had to live with a “dad” who constantly reminded me that I was not “his”. I had to live with a man who regarded my two brothers and one sister as “his” and not me.
Let me give you some examples, on Saturday mornings it was chore time. It was chore time for me. Not them. I had to clean out the garage, pull everything out, clean it, wash it down with the hose then make sure it dried and there was no dirt on the floor. It felt like he wore a white glove to check the floor. If there was dust I had to do it again. Again and again until the glove was white. We can all agree that was stupid ridiculous.
But, my most vivid memory was when I wanted money for the movies or hangout with friends, I had to ask him. I would go in and ask and he would say no. I learned real quick that he would say yes to my little sister, who was three years younger. So what does any smart girl do who wants money to go out with her friends? Correct, send in the little sister to ask. She would go in and ask for the same thing that I just asked for and guess what, out she walked with the money in her hand. Painful, I know.
It is by God’s grace and His mercy and a testimony to my mom and two grandmothers prayers that my siblings and I are friends. We are close to this day and I love them dearly. Somehow I never resented them or hated them. God was able to reveal to me at a young age the man who signed on the line was not a kind human. And hours of counseling helped me work through the other mental and emotional bumps and bruises of growing up in a house like that.
I was raised in a bible believing, Holy Spirit dwelling church with anointed pastors who did an amazing job of communicating God’s goodness, justice and love. I am sure that both my grandmothers and my mom prayed that I would not see God the same way I would see the man who signed on the line to be called my dad. As I was dealing with all this I remember my youth pastor teaching on Romans 8:14-19:
"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
I would cry out “Abba, Father” often to my Lord on bad days. He heard my cry. He saved me from the pit, not instantly. He built in me a clean heart to see the man who signed on the line was not healthy or good to me. Some of us view God as a jerk. A faceless, heartless God.
Some of us don’t see God as loving and definitely don’t see ourselves worthy of His love.
And that makes me sad and bummed because He has a face and a heart and He does deem you worthy and loves you abundantly. His love is glorious.
We are His children.
We are His Image Bearers.
We are not justified by our actions, single or married, infertile or overly fertile, unemployed or employed, etc.... And we are not discounted because of being divorced, suffering a loss, actions by us or against us, etc...
For through faith by grace in God, He (agape) loves us and redeems us.
We are justified by His blood, sanctified by His grace and deemed righteous through faith (Rom 5:1,9; Titus 3:7).
You are His Beloved, girl!
For some of us, we think that my father and my mother have forsaken me, but we need to stand in confidence that the Lord took you in. (Ps 27:10)
I share this story because on the podcast today we hear from Amy Robison who shares her story of adopting two precious boys from Russia. She shares with us the hard and lonely journey of bringing them home and acclimating them to their new lives. At times it is painful to listen too but they learned it was not about signing on the line to become their parents. They took these boys in and made them their own. They loved them unconditionally.
They give us a small glimpse into what God's glorious love looks like.
Thank you Amy for sharing your story.
Have a great week!